The Path of a Man
by thedancingcheese
Summary: A time comes when a man realizes what he lacks. For Ryoma, it came in the form of his stupid father and his ideas. Now, he has to keep a diary about his female encounters... and have it analyzed by an odd and possibly sexually-confused man. RyoSaku,crack
1. The TPM

… **Ryoma has issues??**

/Note/ **Whaa, my first fic here for RyoSaku! Like my other stories, this will be really crackish but I'm not sure if you guys will find it funny or anything.**

/Disclaimer/ **SOBS

* * *

**

**THE PATH OF A MAN**

By thedancingcheese

* * *

**The TPM

* * *

**

**Introduction, Part One**

There is a time in every man's life when he realizes that he lacks something. And for Echizen Ryoma, it came one morning during a supposedly peaceful breakfast in the form of his no-good father and his no-good ideas.

"Don't you know I'm worried for you?" Nanjiroh exploded, and the statement made Nanako gasp in surprise. "Now spill it out, boy! Are you gay or not?!"

"Yadda."

"I knew it! I knew it!!" Nanjiroh exclaimed in a moment of deep, painful realization. "It's that girl-looking sempai of yours! I knew it!! Oh, God! My son is gay! My son is gaaay!" He pointed an accusing finger at the indifferent Ryoma. "You! You're supposed to be at the time when certain body parts are being active! Do you think your father wouldn't notice? Do you think your father is happy about this?!?!"

"Honey, I don't think this is a good conversation at the table…"

"Rinko, dear, aren't you concerned about your son's sexuality?"

Rinko smiled angelically. "Honestly, I'm more concerned about yours." She took a bite out of her meal. "Which is why I threw out some of your magazines earlier this morning."

Ryoma and Nanako nodded in quick agreement.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

And so, to help sort out his son (and, possibly, to get revenge for his treasures), Nanjiroh had brought Ryoma to a good friend, who is famous for his self-help books regarding teenage issues (why his father had such a friend Ryoma would never understand).

The author, Kojiro-sensei, suggested that Echizen Ryoma start a diary. This diary must be written in only when Ryoma has encounters with females of any kind, and he must keep them faithfully, unless Ryoma could risk his tennis things confiscated, his allowance minimized and his cat shaved naked. The thought of which, of course, scared Ryoma shitless.

Thus began Ryoma's daily entries in what his father called "The Path of a Man" (TPM for short).

**End of Introduction, Part one.**

* * *

**WEEK NUMBER ONE (4 encounters of the female kind)**

MONDAY

I think Kojiro-sensei is gay.

…

TUESDAY

Nanako forgot to put my rice in the bento. I'm hungry, so I'm going to sleep somewhere. Good night.

…

THURSDAY

I saw Ryuzaki-sensei at practice today. She looks old as usual. And she had some hair in her nose. It was kind of gross, but I think Tezuka-buchou is secretly in love with her. Mada, mada dane.

…

FRIDAY

I think oyaji is gay.

…

**COMMENTS**

My dear Ryoma, why on earth would you think of your doctor like that? Of course, I'm straighter than a pin; ask anyone. Nevertheless, it pains me to know that your female social network is utterly pitiful. My dog has a better love life than you do – in fact, he's fathered the puppies of ten of my neighbors' dogs. This is why I realize that we must take drastic actions. Though, of course, I don't mean you doing what my dog does.

I want you to take a girl, any girl you know, that is not your relative and someone you could possibly be friends (or more) with. And I don't mean your coach. If you don't have one, just give one girl that interests you, or spends more time with you than average. From then on, your journal entries must revolve around her.

Good luck, and I hope to see improvement in your next entries.

xoxo

Kojicchan

PS Your father is straight. I checked.

* * *

**Introduction, Part Two**

Ryoma, as expected, remained annoyed at all these. He wasn't interested in girls, nor was he interested in boys (unless they were good at tennis and unless Ryoma hasn't defeated them yet). But for the sake of his life (aka tennis and Karupin), he decided to just put up with the stupid TPM; it might just be only one of his father's idiotic phases which will soon pass.

But now, he needs a girl.

He considered making one up, but decided against it, because his first draft involved a girl playing tennis, while wearing a white Fila cap and who says, "Dane, dane, mada" at basically everyone. (Why yes, imagination isn't really one of Ryoma's best points, if you have noticed.)

And he then remembered that he had to go out soon for his weekly lesson with Ryuzaki Sakuno. The only two girls he knew were her and her friend, the loud one. There was another girl, but he couldn't remember her name (and her face, for that matter) and was from another school, which was bothersome.

Which leaves him no choice.

Oh crap.

* * *

**To be continued

* * *

**

/Note/ **Ahhh… yeah… the next chapters would possibly focus more on Ryoma's diary so it would be in first person, but maybe I'll have some narrations, too. I don't know, really. Heheh, I'm writing this just for the heck of it, and since I don't expect much readers that's okay (because I don't go online much and updates shouldn't be fast… I think).**

**I hope you liked it though.**

**TDC**


	2. Pigtails and Fevers

… **and Ryoma explores his talent at writing and saying the truth.**

/Note/ **Aha, lessee what's going to happen to Ryoma this time! Thank you for the reviews… they are most loved. I'm not sure if I'll be replying to everyone from now on, though, because school's about to start.  
**

/Disclaimer/ **Not mine.

* * *

**

**THE PATH OF A MAN**

By thedancingcheese

* * *

**Pigtails and Fevers

* * *

**

**WEEK TWO (5 encounters of the female kind)**

(Describe her, what you feel about her and the like. –Kojicchan ;D)

1. Ryuzaki… I'm not sure what her first name is, though... Sakura, Sakuno, Sakubo* or something… Pigtails, always seem to be feverish, stuttering every time, and definitely not good at tennis, and probably never going to be.

2. Nothing.

3. And the like…?

...

MONDAY

Ryuzaki got into school a little later after me. She stumbled in the doorway, which is what she's good at… she's always stumbling or being clumsy anywhere I see her, which, I think, is really ridiculous. Then she says 'good morning' to me, and her face is red again. Really, if she has a fever or something, she should just drink some medicine… it's irritating how she acts like that. Frankly, I hope she stops saying 'good morning' because I always say nothing anyway.

Oh, she tripped.

Ah.

I see her underwear.

...

TUESDAY

Same as yesterday… only I walked faster so she wouldn't have to greet me. This is stupid. Mada, mada.

...

WEDNESDAY

I don't think writing about Ryuzaki would help… I still don't like girls but I don't like boys either. This is a bother… stupid Ryuzaki.

...

THURSDAY

Oyaji peeked in here yesterday and got mad… it's annoying. He even held Karupin up high and pointed the electric shaver right at him. The electric shaver that he probably uses to shave his pits. Disgusting old man. I'll definitely beat him in tennis next time to shut him up. This is all his fault.

Today, Ryuzaki approached me to ask about our lessons every Saturday. I don't really like that – why should I waste a perfectly good Saturday teaching her in tennis when it's plain obvious that she sucks? Her legs are too wobbly, her hair is too long – just looking at her, one would know that she's useless and won't learn even if I teach her for a thousand years. Besides, oyaji was the one who was supposed to teach her in the first place! (Not that it would help.)

She stuttered again and said, "Anou, Ryoma-kun! I can't make it on Saturday…" She blushed. "I don't think I'll be able to train with you from now on, too."

It was the best thing she'd ever said to me. "Ah." I turned around so she wouldn't see the smirk on my face. I could finally have Saturday to train in the temple…

"D-Don't you want to know why, Ryoma-kun?"

"Betsuni."

"Oh." She bowed and left without saying anything more.

The rest of the day passed okay right after that… the whole thing didn't bother me at all. Who cares what happens to that hopeless girl?

...

FRIDAY

I couldn't sleep last night so I fell asleep in class. Then I was asked to stand in the hallway. Ryuzaki came by but she didn't look at me, which is okay, but slightly weird. Because usually, she says 'good morning' or 'hello'. Not like I cared…

The same thing happened throughout the day, which is a relief. Without Ryuzaki, there wasn't any sign of her loud friend, too. The day is good.

And it's not like I want to know why she can't come tomorrow.

Mada, mada dane.

…

**COMMENTS:**

My dear Ryoma, you don't have to hide your feelings. It's obvious that your heart is writhing in pain due to unresolved frustration. Now what I advise you to do is to approach Ms. Ryuzaki and tell her what you really feel. Don't be afraid of her reply – do it from the bottom of your heart. And you don't have to blame your father. That man only wants what's best for you.

I shall be cheering from the bottom of my heart.

xoxo

Kojicchan

PS Your father expresses how proud he is on being able to see her underwear. You are getting closer to being a true specie of the male kind.

* * *

"Ryuzaki."

Sakuno turned around, a bit surprised when she found Ryoma standing behind her. "Y-Yes, Ryoma-kun?" She clutched her books tighter to her chest, obviously nervous.

"I don't think you'll ever be good at tennis." Ryoma paused to stare at the horror on Sakuno's face. "Ever," he added graciously.

And with that, Ryoma turned around to leave, feeling a slight moment of pride at the fact that he actually took Kojiro-sensei's advice.

* * *

**To be continued.

* * *

**

/Note/ **Ryoma will probably regret all these soon enough… right. TDC**

* - I was trying to make a pun for 'Chocobo' but oh well.


	3. Finding Pigtails

… **but for some reason, Ryoma remembers every word of their conversations!**

/Note/** Um, I'm sorry if I hadn't been able to reply... I haven't got internet and school's been very busy... still thank you for the reviews.**

/Disclaimer/** Not mine.

* * *

**

**The Path of a Man**

By thedancingcheese

* * *

**Finding Pigtails

* * *

**

**WEEK THREE (0 encounters with Ryuzaki)**

FRIDAY

WHAT. IS. THE. POINT.

**COMMENTS:**

My dear Ryoma, this week deserves a big fat F. You didn't even tell me how your heart-to-heart went. This is rather alarming – from a five-day entry, you give me none. It must've been something you said. Remember, Ryoma. Girls are extremely intelligent and sensitive creatures. They know how you feel, or at least, get an idea of it, especially if there's something about you that implies that you don't want them around (I myself get that kind of feeling when you visit me). Talk to Ms. Ryuzaki again.

xoxo

Kojicchan

--

**WEEK FOUR (3 encounters with Ryuzaki)**

MONDAY

Fuji-sempai told me that Ryuzaki was avoiding me. He told me that Ryuzaki-sensei told him that or something. It seems that I did something to make her feel bad; I don't even know what. It was no surprise, I guess I should have seen it coming. He also asked me what I was going to do with it. Well, here's what.

Nothing.

WEDNESDAY

Saw Ryuzaki in the hallway this morning. One thing that I realized is that there is something more annoying than those stupidly long pigtails. Ryuzaki _without _them. I won't look at her again.

THURSDAY

GOD, CAN'T SHE JUST PUT ALL THAT HAIR BACK INTO THOSE STUPID PIGTAILS?

FRIDAY

After a practice match, I went to my sleeping place behind the school and found Ryuzaki sleeping THERE. It was my place. I walked over to wake her up but I found myself staring at her hair. I decided that it was time to take matters into my own hands. God knows what I'd kill just to not see all that hair – it would cover her eyes when she would play tennis and it'd be swoosh-ing all around the place. Didn't I tell her that having hair too long would not be good in tennis?

I sat down and began braiding. Since she was on her side, it was easy, and in no time at all, I finished with one side and waited until she turned. Which she eventually did, but then she was awake.

She stared at me.

Before I could explain, she touched the side of her hair that I braided and frowned at me.

"It didn't look good," I reasoned. Why am I reasoning with her? She should just look in a mirror and see how obvious it was.

I could see that she was biting her lower lip. "I hate you, Ryoma-kun!" she told me and she stood up and ran away.

Huh.

**COMMENTS**

My dear Ryoma-kun, well. It's nice how you made a move to apologize. You didn't have to pretend to hate her hair so much like that. But again, I suggest you be more blunt. Hair is a woman's pride and joy and being touched by your hands (I'm sure you wash them after you go to the toilet?) is, well, not good. And I hope you did that with a background on braiding, at least. Rethink what your friend, Fuji-kun, asked. Ms. Ryuzaki is definitely avoiding you for a reason. Remember, Ryoma-kun: the word 'sorry' goes a long, long way.

xoxo

Kojicchan

* * *

That night, Ryoma got out of bed. He couldn't sleep a wink for days now, and he wondered if this was a weird side effect from writing in the TPM. As usual, he went to the kitchen and fixed himself a nice, cold Ponta.

"Can't sleep?"

Ryoma turned around and saw Nanako, smiling. She walked up to him and sat on the chair next to his.

"Is something the matter, Ryoma-san?"

"Not really," Ryoma replied in a muffled voice as he guzzled down the Ponta.

"Come on, you don't have to be shy."

Ryoma looked at his cousin for a while, and then he replied, "Ryuzaki won't put back her pigtails. I hate it. And I couldn't care less about her, but that stupid sensei still makes me write about her when all I want to do is play tennis. Momo-sempai thinks I'm gay for writing in diaries. Oyaji thinks I'm gay because I don't have active body parts. I just wish that oyaji and Kojiro-sensei go to hell and die." There. He said it.

Nanako seemed to be calm about it. She smiled and put her hand on Ryoma's.

"But I think it's okay to learn how to make female friends, Ryoma-san. Just use all these to grow and improve yourself. Kojiro-sensei is right; you just have to apologize and it will all be better."

Ryoma stared at Nanako again.

"A-Ah, but it's not like I read your journal or anything, Ryoma-san! A-Ahaha…"

Stare. "Lie."

"Of course NOT. A-Anyway. I think I need to go to the bathroom. Good niiiiiight!!!"

And Nanako dashed up the stairs.

At that moment, Ryoma realized that his circle of family and friends will never, ever make him feel safe. Ever.

* * *

**To be continued

* * *

**

/Notes/ **So after Ryoma tells her that she won't be good at tennis, he tells her that her hair sucks, too. His sins are piling up one by one… Ah well you might have noticed that I suck at fluff so this is more of crack…? Thanks for the reviews! TDC**


	4. Apologizing

… **could Ryoma EVER get the guts to say 'sorry'? Probably.**

/Notes/ **Thanks for the reviews, sorry if I can't reply to them again. Yes, xoxoxo means hugs and kisses, I think… at least, that's what's in my mind when I'm putting them down. **

/Disclaimer/ **Prince of Tennis: not mine. (And as much as I like to disown this story, I'm claiming it anyway because I peed blood trying to think of a decent update. LOL Just kidding.)

* * *

**

**The Path of a Man**

By thedancingcheese

* * *

**Apologizing

* * *

**

In the end, Ryoma decided not to apologize. And he didn't care. No sir.

And to continue this rebellious streak, Ryoma also decided not to write in his TPM. No sir.

And to top that, yes, he would learn how to live without tennis, and he didn't even bat an eyelid when Nanjiroh eventually took his racket case away, as well as have him banned from practices through Ryuzaki Sumire. No sir.

But of course, Nanjiroh and Kojiro won't let him get out of the predicament alive, would they? Yes. Yes sir.

By the sixth week, after another blank set of pages from Ryoma, the two decided to take some action, finally. They were going to wreck, er, fix Ryoma's life the way it should be fixed and that was final. So one day, Nanjiroh managed to corner Ryoma inside his room, electric shaver in hand. Behind him followed Kojiro, a conspiratory smirk on his face. At that moment, Ryoma had been bent down over his study table, working on his Algebra.

"Have you apologized to Ryuzaki-san?"

"Yadda." Scribble, scribble.

"Apologize, you idiot son."

"Come on, Ryoma. Don't be shy."

"Yad-DA." Scribbly, scribble. Erase. Scribble.

"I wouldn't have wanted to go this far, but…" Nanjiroh took a step aside to reveal Karupin. Gently, he took the Himalayan up, while Kojiro plugged in the electric shaver. It whirred threateningly to life. Ryoma flinched.

"Now, we'll be changing the question," Nanjiroh said, smirking the way Kojiro did and positioning the electric shaver near Karupin. "Do you like Ryuzaki-san?"

Ryoma stopped writing, and the two saw his shoulders stiffen. He didn't look back.

"No," he replied firmly.

He set the electric shaver to a higher setting. Karupin meow-ed innocently. "Do you like her now?"

"N-No."

"Are you sure?" Nanjiroh asked, raising an eyebrow. "Do you like Ryuzaki? Spit it out, boy!"

"No!" This time, Ryoma had spun around, a batshit expression on his face. He was sweating pearls, and would probably start shitting something big and large and painful out, but since all his muscular abilities were focused on his clenched fists, that didn't happen.

"Ah. Is that so?" With a couple of quick swishes using the device, a ball of Karupin's fur fell onto the floor, leaving the cat with a bikini bra pattern shaved on its snow-white fur. Ryoma stared at his cat in horrified disbelief, his face pale and his mouth hanging wide open.

"My dear Ryoma, we don't want you suffering. All we want to know is if you like Ryuzaki-san," Kojiro asked lovingly, as he carressed Karupin's fur in a manner that would've called for sexual harrassment.

"If ya don't want your cat to have panties, you're answering the question, brat!" Najiroh shook Karupin violently in the air.

"Now, Ryoma," Kojiro said gently, taking his hand off Karupin and patting Ryoma's hand in a comforting manner. "Do you like Ryuzaki-san?"

Ryoma's eyes darted from the two men to his beloved cat to the shaver. He bit his lip, trying hard not to cry.

"M-Maybe."

* * *

**Week Seven (1 Encounter with Ryuzaki)**

MONDAY

I really like Ryuzaki. She's pretty and she's not clumsy and she's so good at tennis that I'm scared of facing her in the court. I want her to be the president of the world because she would be very good at it. In fact, I think she should be placed in Mount Olympus because the human world would never be good enough. I worship her. I want to marry her someday, but I don't think I'm worthy enough because she is just too amazing and wonderful. Long live Ryuzaki!!!

**COMMENTS**

… Oh my GOD.

My dear Ryoma, what have we done? Attached here is a referral to my psychiatrist friend. You may have gone utterly and unconceivably insane.

xoxoxo

Kojicchan

P.S. Buy my next book for only 900 yen, it's already out in markets nationwide ;-) Please send your father my kisses.

* * *

"Ryuzaki."

The pigtailed girl turned around quickly at the sight of him, and quickened her steps.

"Wait."

Sakuno kept walking quickly, making it a point to pretend that she wasn't hearing anything.

"I'm sorry." She stopped. "And I like you."

Finally she turned around to face him, with her eyes as wide as saucer plates. "EH?!" she exclaimed. She tried to find any lines of hesitation on the tennis prince's stoic face. "R-Ryoma-kun l-likes… ME?!"

Ryoma nodded in confirmation. Very stiffly, he managed a low bow. "Please go out with me."

Sakuno had to hold on to the sidewalk railings to calm herself down. Shaking her head violently, she tried to make sure that she wasn't hearing the wrong things. The look on Ryoma's face proved otherwise. "W-Why?" Sakuno demanded, her voice still shaking.

Without a second thought, the reply came.

"Because I have to."

* * *

**THE END

* * *

**

/Notes/ **At some point, I just stopped typing and thought, "Oh. I finished the story." Actually, I was supposed to have like, 4 more chapters but since I answered the conflict accidentally, I figured that I didn't have anything more to add and just forcing myself to make this longer would be stupid. Thank you very much for the reviews and sorry if this story didn't make much sense. Life's mostly like that, anyway.**

**I guess I won't be writing much stories, too. I know I don't sound like it, but I'm actually a very serious student… who just happens to be very, VERY lazy and unfocused 8D. See you all next time! XD – TDC**


End file.
